Ten ways to spot a gun fanatic…
Tuesday, January 22nd, 2013Although I doubt any gun fanatic reads this blog, if you think you might be one, read the following characteristics. Please note that I’m not talking about a gun enthusiast (simple hunter, skeet shooter, authentic target-range aficionado, etc.). Again, if you don’t understand the difference between fanatic and enthusiast, read on. For other people, some of the characteristics below might be amusing, others just plain sad…because there’s always truth in humor!
1) Go to a gun show and watch how a buyer picks up and caresses the weapon, whether he buys it or not. If the gun seems to be just an extension of you-know-what, he’s a fanatic. Don’t be surprised at the number of men you see doing this, even if their bathrooms aren’t loaded with porno pics. Note that this doesn’t apply to women unless she has a particular kind of Freudian envy. Or, she caresses the weapon while smiling at him.
2) If you’re out in the woods and run across a deer hunter—or any kind of hunter, for that matter—and he tries to convince you he needs an assault rifle to bring down his intended targets, you have a gun fanatic. This definitely applies to women too. By the way, what the hell are you doing in the woods during hunting season? Hunters kill other people, even ones dressed in those loud orange clown suits they’re supposed to be wearing. Without that suit, you’ll just look like game to them, even if the hunter you meet is like that sharpshooting GoDaddy CEO who’s out to kill an elephant. Although most hunters, like Dick Cheney, can only hit the broad side of a judge, you can’t count on that!