Books by celebrities…
President Obama and First Lady Michelle will each write one after he leaves the presidency—maybe the ex-President’s title will be How I Learned to Love Hillary? Bill O’Reilly will probably come out with another Killing… book (he’s already killed Jesus). Elizabeth Vargas will probably have a sequel to her new book called An Alcoholic’s Secret Recipes for Cocktails. I’m also waiting for Roger Ailes’s manual for how to get away with sexual harassment for so long—I’ll put it next to my Win 10 manuals in a plain brown wrapper. (Note how PC I am—both ABC News and Fox News incur my wrath equally.)
What do these past, ready-to-release, or future books have in common? They are all written by celebrity “authors,” for whom I have no respect, in order to rake in millions in advances and royalties at the expense of readers hooked on such books. Most of these readers haven’t read a good book in their life—they’re the types who read Hamlet in Cliff Notes in college English (if they went to college). The Big Five’s business model in this case is clear and channels P. T. Barnum—there’s a sucker born every minute, and a good number of them read books by celebrities.
Sour grapes? In a way, I suppose that’s true. In their defense, these readers are exploited by the Big Five. So are the celebrities for the most part—the common denominator being publishers’ greed—but the exploitation of the celebrities is mitigated by the fat paychecks. But greed isn’t their only sin either. Most of these people can’t even write. Bill O’Reilly at least gives credit where it’s due—the ghostwriter Martin Dugard appears as a coauthor, but after Bill’s name, of course. While even real authors pull these stunts (James Patterson is one of the worst), it’s sad when the celebrity author hasn’t done much of the work. I’d wager that 99% of books by celebrities are written by ghostwriters—maybe that puts some food on the table for the ghostwriters, but the celebrities take home the lion’s share of royalties when they’re just parasitic hyenas.
Between speeches and books, old politicians, actors, and assorted perverts and felons (categories not necessarily exclusive, by the way) can continue to be parasites of society and make out like bandits. The Big Five publishers do too. What irks me is that writers who can really write and struggle for name recognition, even Big Five authors (especially newbies), have to watch this circus. The whole thing is like the drug problem—does fault lie with the users (people who read this drivel), the pushers (the celebrities), or the suppliers (the Big Five)? Or all of the above? In any case, America’s addiction to books “written” by celebrities shares another characteristic of the drug problem—the number of addicts is increasing.
It is definitely an addiction—no doubt about it. When I go to a bookstore or library these days, the shelves containing these books are populated by millennials to octogenarians looking for the latest exposes, confessions, sob stories, and so forth. Only the magazine racks (and newspaper racks in public libraries) are more populated. Works for me because I generally go to the shelves where I find mysteries, thrillers, and sci-fi novels. But I’m an observer of human nature. I find some amusement when one “reader” points out to another a juicy passage in some celebrity’s book.
The politically oriented books are more interesting. Even an ET from light-years away would be aware of the polarization in America. What’s intriguing here is that there is no useful stereotype for extremists who are readers—I’ve seen sweet old ladies and old hippy types cooing over Bill O’Reilly’s books while stern-looking nuns are perusing a Bill Clinton book. While this might just reflect the diversity in our area of the country, it’s a lesson for politicos and pundits alike—you might want to figure out what people read in order to predict election results. Of course, Amazon might have stats on all this they’re willing to sell to the DNC and RNC.
I can imagine a sociological thesis written on this topic titled America’s Addiction to Books by Celebrities. Maybe one already exists and is already in second edition? If I were a sociology major, I’d certainly consider this topic—there are a lot of ways to spin it, which of course is ideal for the social sciences. And the more controversial the topic, the more they like it. Maybe Paul Krugman could even write a book about it. Oh yeah, that “celebrity” is (or was?) an economist, a different soft science. He doesn’t seem to understand human nature at all, but I only have his columns as evidence, so I could be wrong.
My attitude is that a celebrity’s views, successes, and troubles are irrelevant to my life. And when one claims they’re casting public light on a societal problem, like Elizabeth Vargas, I cringe, because I know other people with similar problems will gain nothing from the expose or confessions, and the celebrities don’t give a rat’s ass whether they do or not because they only want to make money. Male celebrities put on their pants just like me (or unzip them, as in the case of Bill Clinton); women should view female celebrities in the same way (dresses and pantsuits for continuing the metaphor). Why do we have this prurient interest to pry into the lives of celebrity personalities? Something to ask the psychologists and psychiatrists, if they aren’t celebrities writing their own books. Meanwhile, the Big Five publishers are getting rich off the whole thing.
In libris libertas (but not with these books)…
